I lined up at best buy at 8am because at 8:45 they were doing a raffle for a $500 gift card. I didn't get it, but I got Ricky's xmas present...video games again. lol It was soooo cold though. I don't think it helped that my hair was wet. I had no beanie or gloves. I still can't get warm.

We have been talking about the pet thing. He said he wouldn't mind getting it because he knows I would be the one taking care of it...which I would. The beagle fell through, and he said we would look into getting a pet in the new year. That makes me happy.

It is going to be insanely busy this weekend. Ricky's work is having a xmas dinner tonight, tomorrow is his family's christmas luncheon, then after that we are having his friends over for hockey night. Sunday is the kids xmas party.

I need a nap just thinking about it. Ricky's dad is going to be coming to get me at 12 to do some running around for the kids xmas party.

So yesterday my sister in law tells me that someone sent an email into her work saying that they have a 2 yr old Beagle that is free to a good home. She works again tomorrow so she is going to get the number for me and maybe we can take it. She said the email said that the reason they have to get rid of the dog is because they had to move into an apartment and it just isn't enough room for the dog. I really hope it works out because I have always loved Beagles, and its old enough that I would be potty trained and everything. Ricky is against it but at this point, he knows that he is pissing me off. If we can get it, I am, and he is just going to have to suck it up.

Saturday, one of Ricky's friends had weed and it was an open invitation for anyone who wanted to partake to go outside. Ricky pretty much blocked the door and kept me in the house. I got really pissed, I don't like making scenes in front of his friends, but I am tired of feeling embarrassed because it is like he is "putting me in my place". I took him in the kitchen and I tried to have a reasonable conversation with him. Our place is too small though and his friends kept coming in to be nosey. I told him that I was sorry he hated weed so much, but he can't expect me to hate it too. I also told him he needs to respect me as an individual and he said I should do the same. I flipped, mind you I woke up at 6 am and stood in line for a game for him, and had been cooking all day and night while he had a good time. I told him he was being selfish, I gave everything up for him and it isn't fair that all compromise has gone out the window.

I respect Ricky, and I don't mind that he has over 70 video games and 4 on a waiting list pre-ordered. I dont mind that I have to read because he plays them for a couple of hours after he gets home from work. It is what he likes to do and I wouldn't take that away from him. I should have something for myself though since he does and his response is "you can have anything you want as long as it doesn't breathe". After the whole blow up in front of his friends he said "we will talk about getting a pet when they leave" of course when they left he went right to sleep. Now the opportunity for a pet is out there and he is being really quiet...I don't care anymore though. If we don't get the dog and the next time his friends have weed and the opportunity is there I am taking it and when he tries to stop me I will say "I can have anything I want as long as it doesn't breathe right?...weed doesn't breathe".

I have been cooking non stop for the past two days. Thanksgiving turned out really nice, everything was good and we have left overs, but not enough that we get sick of it all. I gave alot to Rickys godfather and his parents. Saturday night Ricky's friends were all over watching the hockey games and pre drank before taking taxis to the club. They got really fucked up and it was hilarious....until they came back at 4 am by taxi and pounding on our door and screaming...I woke up scared and my heart pounding so hard in my chest. I wanted to kill them. One of his friends left his keys in our house, and Ricky was like "should I go down to let him in" and I told him yeah, but hide his keys, if they are that fucked up, I don't want them driving, they can crash in the living room. But by the time Ricky got down stairs they were in a sober friends car and headed home safetly...thank god!

Friday night was crazy, we got our tree and it is a really nice tree, for $40. The tree was only on sale at 7pm, and Ricky was at the front of the line and I stayed back because the crowd for them was nuts, Ricky basically had to just jump ontop of it because people were going nuts for them. We also got a really nice bed in a bag for $40. We also got xmas ornament, lights, wrapping paper, tape, and tags. We spent about $130...but we saved $120 lol.

Saturday I got up 6:30, dropped Ricky off at work and then me and his dad got in line at Old Navy by 7:15. We were the 30th people in line, and we got our wrist bands for the Lego Rock Band game. I ended up spending $80 lol when I only needed to spend $20 to get the game. The sale was crazy. Ricky needed jeans so I got him 2 pairs at $20 each. I got 2 long sleeve shirts for $9 each and 2 thermal tops for $9 each. and a fleece throw blanket for $5. I have never been one to do the whole store line up and major sale thing...but I must say I had fun.

I haven't had much to update about. Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me, but I was determined not to let it bring me down so I stayed busy. I got everything we needed for the Thanksgiving dinner I am doing on Sunday. At night I had to help the co-op with the kids xmas party preparation. Then after that I told Ricky I wanted to go to Wal Mart...just to get out of the house and I needed to pick up a corkscrew cause his uncle is bringing wine on Sunday.

I broke down in the car on the way to wal mart cause Ricky grabbed my hand and said "Happy Thanksgiving"...I didnt think something so little would set me off, I feel like such a cry baby lately. We came home and I had a couple of glasses of wine. I am not much of a wine drinker and wow did it hit me hard. lol I think I am going to take up drinking wine on certain nights. It made me a little sleepy but I think it was because I started drinking at 10:30pm. It just seemed more of a relaxing buzz, if we have a bunch of people here I probably wont drink it, but if it is just me and Ricky and we are watching movies one night or something, I will be drinking wine.

Today's To-Do List"

• hit up futureshop for some deals on videogames
• trade in those video games at EBgames for a free pre-order for Ricky
• Hit up the Harley Davidson shop for a t-shirt for my dads xmas gift
• clean the house from head to toe
• cook dinner
• hit up Zellers for their moonlight sale and get an artificial xmas tree
• hang with the hubby for the night and drink some wine.

I am really shocked I have already gotten a few things done today. Usually I am just about getting ready for the day.
Tomorrow will be another early day. I am going to go line up at Old Navy to get a free Lego Rock Band game with a $20 purchase....which will be easy cause Ricky needs some pants for work and I can use a couple of shirts.

I found out that my dad is having a bunch of medical problems and the insurance is taking their sweet ass time while he is living in unbearable pain. He has had crazy stomach problems for a few years now and they just kept giving him pain pills and zantac. It has been so bad lately that he can't eat anything, my mom said he hasnt had a full meal in about 3 weeks and when he eats more than a couple of bites he gets really bad stomach pains, and he can't get comfortable enough to sleep. They first said it was gallstones, and sent him to get an MRI, turns out they aren't gallstones, they are pollups. Not sure if they are cancerous, but the insurance is waiting til december 12th or something before looking into it. The MRI also showed spots on his liver, no idea what they are, but the doctor said they will look into that after the pollups are taken care of. Cancer runs very strongly in our family and I am worried sick.

So last night I completly broke down in bed with Ricky. Before we go to sleep we have this ritual, he lays on my chest and I rub his head and we talk. I told him I was sorry if I am an emotional wreck this week cause of the holidays and stuff. I hadn't told him about my dad yet, he knows he has stomach problems but not the extent of them right now. I started to cry a little, and we switched positions and he held me and rubbed my head while I cryed and I told him about my dad and how I am worried and pissed at the insurance company just letting him live in so much pain. Ricky had never held me that tight before, but I don't think I have ever cried so hard in front of him before either. I was pretty hysterical and he did the sweetest thing. He grabbed my face in his hands, kissed me and said "I love you so much, I can't thank you enough for what you have done for me, and I will never keep you from seeing your family, if you want or need to go home, I will support you". It makes me teary eyed just typing it out. I always knew he wouldn't, but hearing him say it meant so much to me, and I think I needed to hear it. I didn't think it was possible to fall even more in love with him.

I talked to Ricky about thanksgiving, we have finally got the head count. It is going to be his family (4) and his uncle/godfather and his girlfriend and us obviously. So I think 8 people is the perfect number our house can handle. Glad it is all cleared up now.

So I have been bummed cause I called Claires to see whats up with the position I interviewed for and they pretty much told me that they like me alot, just that for the position they need someone with more experience. It was pretty expected but I am still bummed. I want to start working and this whole not getting call backs is bugging me. I apparently don't have enough experience in retail...really it cant be rocket science but whatever. My immigrant status doesn't help much either, I am sure there are lots of places that would rather higher one of their own in these bad economic times.

Talked to the hubby tonight, who is being super sweet to me right now. He said he wouldn't mind helping me out with paying for schooling. I don't feel right just going to school on his dime with a school loan. So I said I would apply anywhere I can and once I work I will start looking into school. I would love to go back to school and actually go for what I want. I went through massage therapy school, but I realized while working at a chiropractors office that I would much rather work in Physical Therapy or Sports Therapy. So I will check it out and see what route I would like to take, then take action once I get a job at subway or something.

I am getting the list together of everything we need to buy for the Thanksgiving dinner we have all planned out, or I should say, I have all planned out. I told Ricky to tell his friends but he hasn't said a word. It kinda bugs me because I don't know what to do. I will gladly invite over some family of his, if I know his friends are not coming. Our place is small though and we don't have the room to invite his friends, and his extended family over. So it is either his family or his friends and I haven't gotten an answer on who he wants over. I just don't want to put in so much effort if no one is going to be here. If no one is coming that will really suck cause I don't want to have nothing for thanksgiving, but I dont want to be stuck with massive amounts of leftovers either. Some left overs are good, but I don't want to have to eat turkey for an entire month. I gotta talk to him about it tonight. Things would be easier if I had my own friends.

Nothing else is really going on. My life is so dull it is depressing. I want a puppy, something to shake things up a little, but Ricky hates pets. He is alot of talk though, he said the same thing about his parents cats, but the minute you werent looking he was bending down and petting them, when you bring it up he pushes them away and acts like a grump. lol. I think if I just went out and bought one he wouldn't hate it...but I am waiting til I have a job and get it with my own money.

I need a job...its pretty bad when you are 23 and aren't good enough for retail. I have been holding off applying at food places but since I am not getting any call backs I guess I should start. Tim Horton's here I come...so not happy about that. I still havent hit up the blockbuster's and rogers, I will go there first. I knew I should have done retail when I was like 16. Stupid me for going to school and finding a job when I got out of school in my profession....that doesn't matter jack shit out here. My only work experience is Subway for 4 months, and Chiropractor's Assistant/Massage Therapist for 2 years.

...I feel like I'm not happy about much these days...sorry for being such a blah-head.

Ricky just left to play poker with some of the guys from his work. Not sure what I am going to do tonight. I might take a long relaxing bath, then catch up on some of the stuff we have recorded on our PVR. We have a couple of movies that are "girly" or do not intrest Ricky to watch. I think I will watch them tonight while he is gone.

Every weekend some friends of Ricky and him all go and get proline tickets, and if anyone wins, they split the tickets between all them. We have NHL Center Ice, so they usually end up coming here to watch the games and throw the losing tickets on the floor. Well no one called or anything so Ricky didnt get a proline ticket. I opened the laptop and his msn automatically signs in. The minute it signs in I get a message from one of his friends asking for his picks. lol Ricky said if they called and asked to just give them whoever I thought, so i did. LOL but we are screwed if the ticket wins cause we didnt buy one. I told them Toronto, and that is pretty much a sure lose. so we should be fine, if not, omg, i cant even imagine how they will hate me. They never win so I am not too worried.

I think I am going to take that long relaxing bath, have a few drinks, then relax on the couch and have a few more drinks lol. We have a bottle of wine that one of his friends gave us. I am not much of a wine drinker, but I want to open it. The only thing is we have no wine glasses or a cork screw lol

To Do List:
-fill out the two applications sitting in front of me
-return those two applications filled out with Resume attatched.
-Clean the kitchen, bathroom, and living room.
-throw out the flowers that have died
-cook an amazing dinner
-play Left 4 Dead 2 with the hubby
-possible seduce hubby if my body permits.

lol I am a fan of lists today. Yeah, so thats my day pretty much all planned out. I should start now, but I am being lazy. and nothing is in a certain order, its just what needs to be done. I am probably going to fill out the applications after this update, then set them aside, clean the house, shower up, and then return them before I have to pick up Ricky from work because it is on the way.

I am starving! time to make some breakfast.

Ricky is playing Left 4 Dead 2 with his friends so I am stuck doing nothing. I will eventually have to get off soon because doing anything online makes it lag. Good thing I have a good book to read. I am almost done reading Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. This is the first time I have read his work after years of people telling me how good of an author he is. I love his style and when I return this book back to the library, I plan to check out another of his.

I don't have much to update about. Tonight Ricky and I did a little christmas shopping, and then we picked up some Starbucks. We started to look at xmas decorations and then I just wandered off and left him in the aisle. I don't know what my problem is, but I saw a xmas stocking and started getting really teary eyed and had to get out of there. I have had the same xmas stocking since I was a baby and I don't have it here. I need my mom to send me some birth control pills so I am going to ask her to put my stocking in the box with the pills. It is something so small, but I need it, christmas just isnt the same without that stocking.

I picked up an application for Starbucks while I was there. Doesn't really look like I am going to be getting a call back from Claire's or Chapters. I figured they would have called by now.

what the hell, lj changed the update thingy?? when did this happen? Ah well I will figure it out.

So this weekend was Euchre night at one of his Rickys family friends place. I don't know how to play so I was the beer fetcher and I watched to try to learn. It was actually alot of fun and on Sunday, Ricky taught me how to play. I am starting to get it.

Where I live, it is a co-op and everyone must join a committee. I joined communications, which covers all parties and that stuff. I am helping out with the kids xmas party and last night I got to go spend the co-ops money on xmas gifts for all the kids. It was alot of fun and toys r us was playing xmas music so now I am sooo in the mood for the holidays.

It sucks cause I am not going home for any of the holidays. I miss my family a lot. I can't dwell on the negative though and I am trying to stay positive. I have been craving weed lately and I can't believe it has been 9 months since I last smoked. I feel like my mind is a mess and I need to just chill. I really wish Ricky didn't have his negativity towards me smoking. I can understand why he has it, everytime we have ever fought, or I have tried to end our relationship, I was high. The situation was different though, we were apart, and the stress from being in a long distance relationship made me want to give up a lot, and I took all that stress out on him. Now we are together, I am completely happy with him, our relationship is solid.

I have been in a Counting Crows type of mood lately. It's the time of year, around fall and winter I seem to never get enough of them.

So my interview with Chapters was yesterday. Not so sure how it went since it was one of those group interviews, and I hate group interviews. They seem so....i guess impersonal. You get no one on one time with the manager and you feel like you are competing with the other people in the room to get a words in. The other chick that was interviewing the same time as me was a chatterbox, who had more experience and she jumped ontop of all the questions before I could answer first so my answers always sounded like an echo of hers...even though I tried to change my words, given the situations the questions were based, I would have done the exact same thing she would have. It was pretty annoying, and I really want the job, the perks are nice and the environment seems really cool, but It is hard to tell if the interview went well because the manager was hard to read. After the interview the girl I was interviewing with even said she was giving no feedback on how well she liked either of us. I am just hoping for the best. I hope I get a call back from any place at this moment, I am tired of having nothing to wake up for.

Sitting at home all day is doing a number on my emotions too, I have been such a cry baby and I think its because I have too much time on my hands....i think too much and start missing home like crazy. I miss my friends and I miss my family the most. It really sucks.

Since I won't be going home for my American Thanksgiving, I am going to do one here. The only thing is, I don't know who is going to show. I don't know how to make turkey either lol. Luckily Ricky's Mom and Dad said they have a turkey in their freezer, and said I could take it, and they will help me make it! I am really happy about that actually, even if it is just them that comes over, I don't care. I just need to have something, this is the first thanksgiving without my family. It is depressing.

When I had my bridal shower, which was a total surprise, my cousin made a family cookbook for me. Months before the bridal shower, she asked everyone to send in recipes they wanted me to have. It is really cool, they made it at allrecipes.com. Anyways, its awesome because I can make almost everything that my family has for their thanksgiving. The stuff I know I am making are: My mom's potato salad, My aunt vivian's Macaroni pie, and sweet potato's. My aunt Retha's garlic smashed potatos, My cousin Jenn's collard greens and for dessert I am making my familys Banana pudding, and I will probably grab a pumpkin pie too, you can't have thanksgiving without pumpkin pie.  I have to cook everything, which is alot of work, but I have it planned out that I will cook everything I can cook before hand. The smashed potatos scare me, but I am going to do it early in the morning and then put them in the crockpot to keep warm all day.  Everything else doesnt sound so hard so I should be fine. I can't wait! I need to ask my aunt how she makes her stuffing.

So I layed low this morning, and left the house at 2:30 before Ricky's mom got home from work. Even though we don't live with her anymore, I just know that his sister would be calling her to see if the car was here, so I left to be on the safe side. The phone was ringing off the hook but I still didnt answer..it was killing me because I am hoping to get a call back from claire's or any other job for that matter. I came back home around 4:15 and the phone rang, I picked it up and it was Ricky, he needed a ride home since his dad had to get his sister.  I don't mind picking up my husband, glad i didnt have to sit in his sisters physio appointment again.  I am pretty sure Ricky knew what I was doing, he hasnt said anything about it though, he knows they need to ask, not demand, and definitly not take me for granted.

Once we got home, the phone rang and it was Chapters, I have an interview with them tomorrow at 3. So happy about that, I think I can handle working at a bookstore. Thats my type of place.

So I am on the laptop and Ricky has his msn open on it, I guess he forgot to sign out before handing over the laptop.  Well his sister sends him a message and it says "Hey Rick, I have physio tomorrow, so you are going to have to get Christina to give me a ride" .....Seriously, those exact quotes....FUCK THAT!  I have already gone through this with him, just this past week actually...see previous post of Nov, 5th or 6th.

I just closed it. I told Ricky when it came up and he said "she never asked" and I said yeah, go figure...then he just went up to bed. I am too pissed to sleep. I shouldn't let something like this upset me so much, but I am so fucking sick of it. Tomorrow I am going to go out all day. I don't know where I am going to go, but I am not going to be home. I will go to the Library and read all fucking day, I am just not going to be here to pick up the phone. I am not going to be on facebook to get the instant messages from her. I am not doing it.  I could easily answer the phone and say no, I can't do it, but I don't want to. I want her to try her hardest to get a hold of me for a ride to find out that I am never going to be there to rescue her...I want her to get it in her head that I am not a sure thing.

Maybe I will go to the library, re-do my resume, print out a bunch of copies and apply to more jobs. It is something I need to do anyways. I can kill some more time by looking for more books I want to check out. I can sit around the house until 2 or so and ignore the phone when it rings, but I gotta be out of the house no later than 2:30 because his mom gets home and if his sister can't get a hold of me, she will for sure call his mom to check if my car is here. So It will be a late library and job hunt for me...I can come back at 4:30ish and if she calls then, I will have to say oops, sorry, I am in the middle of cooking dinner, can't do it.  It is really fucking sad that I have this all planned out.

The Drive- By Truckers show was last night. It was amazing. Jack Daniels handled everything, and it was a lot nicer get up than I thought it was going to be. We got free drink tickets on entry, there was food and a bunch of goodies once we got inside. I will probably post pics tomorrow. Hubby is playing NHL 10 on Xbox and it makes it lag if you do too much online. We had a great time at the show though. We had to catch the train so we missed the encore, which I am sure they rocked but its ok. I would rather get home and not have to sleep at the station lol.

My interview at Claire was today too. I think I rocked it, I answered the questions I was asked with confidence and I seemed to hit it off good with the managers. The only thing is that the job is for a part time management position and even though I did great in the interview, my lack of experience in the area of retail, let alone management, may hurt my chances of getting the job. I am keeping my fingers crossed though cause it seems like a pretty cool place to work, and who knows, they may give me a shot. Positive thinking equal positive results, right? or So I have heard.

I was hoping to go back home to California for a thanksgiving visit, but it doesn't look like it is going to happen. It really sucks cause I miss home tons, but I really need to find a job. If I don't hear anything the week of thanksgiving, I think I am going to call for my results, if they tell me I didnt get the job, then I may still book a ticket back home. The holidays are going to be super hard for me not being able to see my family. I get pretty teary eyed just thinking about it. I am scared by the time xmas comes around I am going to have a breakdown and be a mess . I gotta do what I gotta do though, it would be easier if I was working because at least then I would be out of the house, and not sitting around all day thinking about it.

They mean little to no posting for me, sorry! I just perfer to write when I am alone, and my hubby likes to be nosie.

The hubby fell asleep on my shoulder during the game, he is sleeping on my shoulder as I type this. I don't know why, but I feel more in love with him in this very moment then I ever have. I am afraid to move too much because I might wake him.

Yesterday got even shittier, I never had the chance to come on and rant about it. Ricky called me around 1 right before I was leaving the house to get some stuff done. He told me I should calm down and try to have a good day, then proceeds to tell me that he talked to his dad about his sister and he said he would talk to her. I completely flipped. There was no reason for him to tell his dad, and it would only make this worse. I got really pissed and just told him I was fuckin done with the day and hung up on him.

But things got better, I got a call back from a job I had never even applied for lol. It's at Claire's, I applied for Icing which is just the little bit mature version of Claire's. Icing wasn't hiring so they gave my number to Claire's and they want to see me on Monday for an interview. Right now I don't care where I work, I just need a job. It sounds like they need someone to pierce ears and the lady said on the phone that if I was comfortable with it, they would train me on peircing...I am all for it.

I am really glad I got that phone call too because it made me in a much better mood before I had to pick up his sister and stuff. His dad called me when I got back home, their work meeting ran late so he was calling to let me know our dinner was cancelled, and to ask about his daughter. I told him I don't mind giving her rides, because I don't, I just don't like it when I am not asked for a ride. I told him that I was just frustrated and I think Ricky as well as myself blew things a little out of porportion. I was upset, but thats just becasue I was told I was giving her a ride, and not asked...because she asked Ricky doesn't mean she asked me. He understood and said he doesn't blame me for being upset about it and said that I should be asked for the ride, because I am the one taking the time to do it.

I so badly wanted to tell him that they need to quit spoiling her, she is an adult and she shouldn't be depending so much on others. The thing is I can't, I know I can't. It is none of my business how they raise their children. They complain about the way she is, but what they don't realize is they raised her that way. Ricky says I just grew up differently. When I turned 13 my parent's gave me my own hamper and taught me how to wash my own clothes, I never had to wash my parents clothes, but they made sure I did my own. For as long as I can remember I have had basic household chores, clean my room, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, sweeping, mopping etc. It wasn't that my parents treated me like a slave, they worked all day and needed help keeping up the house. They gave me an allowance and let me do what I wanted as long as the chores were done. They weren't hard and I learned really quick that it was better to do what they say so I could do what I wanted. I used to bitch about it like any normal teen, but now I am very thankful for it. 

seriously, getting sick of this whole driving everyone everywhere thing. They just automatically assume I have nothing to do. I mean, I know I don't work, but i still have running around to do. And just because I don't work doesnt mean I want to be playing taxi driver and sitting in physio appointments waiting...i would rather get shit done around the house. I did a bitch move when his sister messaged me about a ride on facebook. i just closed it lol. I didnt want to answer. Its just the way she asked, it wasnt even asking, more demanding "hey, pick me up for physio, i asked ricky"....like seriously? i dont need to be asked, you ask my husband, and he says yeah, and thats an answer? fuck that. She called and I let it ring awhile before answering, I should have never picked up,but I figured it was probably Ricky. I probably sounded like a bitch on the phone but I dont care because she had major attitude.  

I just can't stand people who have no idependence, but get mad at the people they are depending on. It has always bugged me about his sister, she bitched all the time when her dad was making her appointments, and its like come on, you are 20 yrs old and you can't make your own doc appointments? The whole driving thing too, she most likely has enough money in the bank to buy herself a used car, a basic starter car, and she most likely has enough money to buy herself drivers training. There comes a time in everyones life where you gotta take shit by the horns and get it done yourself.  Independence is an amazing feeling and I really feel sorry for his sister because she doesn't want it. She doesn't do anything for herself, no laundy, no dishes, no cleaning of her room, she has no household chores...her mommy and daddy do everything for her. But not only that, she would bitch about laundry she needed or stuff like that, and its like you are a big girl, do it yourself!

I gotta talk to Ricky too...just got off the phone with him. I completely went off on him about his sister, and he said I can always say no. Which I know I can, but they know I have nothing to do, and it will only start shit, she would throw a hissy fit and our dinner would be awkward, because we are having dinner tonight. I told him I don't mind drivng her around, because I don't, but the asking on the day of thing is getting old. It doesnt help that I am grumpy and this kinda just set me over the edge. I told him it is the principle of everything and that I don't have patience today for people who care to have no independence, and an attitude.  I asked him about the whole her asking him thing, she asked him last night when he went over there, and he told her she had to ask me. So this whole time the whole "Ricky said you would drive me" isn't true. Ugh so fucking stupid.

Time for me to blast some tunes, clean up the house, take a shower, and run some errands.